Well, I made it! I made it back to Hawaii. After living in Mexico for almost two years, my heart felt like something was missing. While in Mexico, I came across a list of my dreams that I had made years ago. The incredible thing was I had done almost everything on this list. Traveled the world, healed the pain of the past, and surrounded myself with beautiful friends who I loved dearly.

Photo by Stasia Garraway

Just about everything I had written down had been done. All except the first one. That dream was to live on a cottage on the beach. Well, my heart sunk, as I realized I didn’t live anywhere near a beach. I knew deep down, the ocean still called to me.

I had an upcoming Europe trip planned with no return ticket, so after finding a great deal on a plane ticket from London, I decided to return to Hawaii for a visit. It had been twelve years since I’d moved away, and, even though I knew I would be having plenty of beach time in Greece, there’s no place on earth like Hawaii.

As I was planning my trip, all of the feelings of being on the islands returned. Hawaii had always been my favorite place I had lived, and I knew I wanted to move back.

I missed Hawaii’s sunsets, her ocean, her hiking trails, her food. But, most of all I missed the Aloha spirit that is prevalent throughout Hawaii. I knew she was calling me home.

So, what is it like being back in Hawaii?

For me, Hawaii is magical. It has everything that I love. Both beaches and forest, waterfalls, rainbows, and people who really connect with you, whether through an aloha or “talking story”.

Hawaii is even more beautiful than I remember, and I really do feel like it is where I belong.

I even found a cottage right on the beach that I will be moving into in a few weeks. How’s that for confirmation?! I feel completely blessed and like I have finally come home. 

However, I freaked out.

Right after, I found the incredible beach cottage of my dreams, the fact that I had to buy things like a bed and furniture again scared me. (Every place I’ve stayed over the last few years has come furnished) I worked so hard to get rid of everything I owned three years ago, and it was an extremely hard step for me. Was I really doing this accumulating “stuff” thing again? The commitment of signing a lease for an entire year also scared me. I was used to pretty much being able to pack up and leave if I didn’t like a place. I knew Hawaii was where I wanted to be, but it still wasn’t an easy step.

To me, the only downside about living in Hawaii is the cost. It’s an island, and there are all these rules about how things have to be brought here on American owned ships, and so we pay a fortune for many things. I got here and was spending a lot of money on things like an old used car, deposits, and so many things. After living in other countries, and not even bothering any more to figure out the exchange rate, it was like spending Monopoly money. At first, I didn’t even think about it.

After spending thousands of dollars to set up a life again, these two sweet potatoes caused me to freak out. I had been trying to buy most of my produce at farmer’s markets, but none of them had orange sweet potatoes. I went to the store, putting two of them in my shopping basket. I have gotten out of the habit in Mexico, where the produce was almost free, of even looking to see how much it cost. When the cashier rang me up, it was $5 for two sweet potatoes.

I panicked. Maybe it was my Irish roots, but I started wondering how I could possibly live in a place when I couldn’t even afford to buy potatoes.

For many days, I woke up in such a state of panic. I was afraid that I would literally starve here. And, how could I be a food blogger if I couldn’t even afford the food?

During those days, I forgot about all of the miracles that had already occurred to bring me here. I let the stickiness of fear cloud my judgement, and I forgot about all the blessings I’d already been given. I forgot about the incredible things that had already happened in my life. How, sometimes, when I would be low on money as I was traveling, someone who enjoyed my blog would make a donation to me at just the right moment when I needed it most.

And then nature reminded me

Full of worry and doubt, I decided to hike the Kuliouou Ridge Trail and get out of my mind for a minute. I had to laugh as the trail was mostly tree roots that I was walking over as I hiked the trail. I knew this was a huge message to me, and that it was time to set down roots in my life. I listened to the messages of the trees, watched them blow in the wind, still free, yet rooted. I thought of how I had done lots of expansion outwards through my travels, but now the trees seemed to whisper, it was time to grow upwards, firmly rooted in place. What better place than Hawaii, I thought, as scents of flowers and forest filled my nose, and a cool breeze tousled my hair.

The hike was one of the most beautiful hikes I’ve ever been on, and I thought how incredible and what a miracle it was that all of this sprang form a volcano. I was reminded to look for the miracles that had already taken place in my life and to be thankful for them. I was also told to expect more miracles to occur in my life. That I was safe, I was where I belonged, and that I would be taken care of.

A miracle happened right away because when I got back home, I had a message from my mom that along with my wings she wished for me roots to come home to. I knew, without a doubt, that this is where I am meant to be.

As I create these roots, I remember the one thing that travel has taught me. Home is every moment of my life. Home is noticing. Seeing and knowing that I am so deeply loved by all of life. And loving it so deeply back.

In gratitude,

Valen

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